Sixteen Long Days

Trevor returned home on Saturday after a sixteen day trip overseas with the Navy. It's so good to have him back home! I can't imagine what it will be like when he has to take one of these trips after Zoe is born. This trip demonstrated how hormonal I really am, because I cried like a baby the day Trevor left (Dec. 26). And I prayed and prayed and prayed for his safety like never before. Pregnancy has brought about a great deal of nerves.....and fear. Fear of losing Trevor. Fear of raising Zoe alone. I know that this type of fear isn't of God, so I have to resist it and pray against it daily. Recently I did some soul searching to understand why the fear is so deep. I realize that there are two things driving it....the first is my desire to ALWAYS have Trevor in my life. I wouldn't have married him otherwise. I love that man with every fiber of my being and I can't imagine life without him. The second is my desire for Zoe to experience what I didn't....truly having a "daddy." This isn't intended to be a knock against my father, but after my mother and he divorced when I was three, the relationship just wasn't what it should be. While I wasn't greatly impacted by this emotionally because my mom did a phenomenal job of raising me, as I've gotten older I realize just how much I truly missed out on. I'm glad Zoe won't have to experience that. She's such a lucky little girl because Trevor is going to be an amazing father!