Sunday, December 27, 2009
I know the debate over being a SAHM and a working mom is a very real one and emotions (and tempers) can run high. I believe that the decision is a personal one, and I think it is very disrespectful for someone to impose their opinion on the matter on another person. Each mother and each family has to do what works best for them, but none of it should be to the detriment of the child(ren). I know many women who work full-time and lead very successful and happy lives and their children thrive. I know other women that aren't that great at striking the balance and/or are miserable doing it. To each her own.
For me....I have not enjoyed the non-stop treadmill I've been on the past five months. And the scary thing is I haven't been working as hard as I would otherwise have to due to the economy slowing down legal work. Even still, my days since returning to work in August have increasingly become more challenging. I have hit a point of feeling inadequate in every area of my life. Again, I'm speaking for myself. I feel inadequate as a wife, as a mother and as an attorney. I feel like I give each role in my life "just enough" to get by. If I'm honest, my role as a mother is probably where I succeed the most, but it's still not as much as I want to give. And I feel like I have absolutely nothing left over for myself. No time to exercise (but that's a different story altogether), no time for adequate personal maintenance (I really miss having time to pamper), no time for personal quiet time with the Lord (where is my Bible by the way???), no time to spend with friends or keep up with them by phone, no time for blogging (hence the huge time gaps on this blog), and no time to just do, well, nothing.
In my new role as a part-time attorney, I will only be working Tuesday through Thursday. I'm excited to have two more days at home with Zoe completely focused and engaged with her. I think she needs this right now. And I know I need it because she's growing so fast. Trevor has been home with Zoe Tuesday through Thursday, so this arrangement eliminates the need for any form of child care. For that we are both extremely thankful. I used to think I was okay with the thought of child care, but after holding Zoe for the first time something inside of me changed. I just couldn't (and still can't) imagine someone else caring for her. No one will ever care for Zoe better than Trevor and I will, so why even go there?! I know we are very blessed to have the ability to arrange for Zoe's care in the manner that we have. Perhaps that's why I'm so resolved about not putting Zoe in daycare or hiring a nanny....because we have a choice and we don't have to use those options. I recognize not everyone has this choice.
This arrangement is not without its sacrifices. The most obvious sacrifice is financial as I'll take a cut in pay, but it's absolutely worth it. The most significant sacrifice, however, is the sacrifice of time as a family since Trevor is now working weekends. It's tough accepting the fact that we can't live our lives as most families. No weekend birthday parties as a family. No church as a family. No Sunday dinners as a family. In fact, most of what we do as a family is crammed into three weekdays that are also filled with work for me. But it's all worth it. For now. Eventually, as Zoe grows, we may feel differently. But for now the scales are tipping in my (our) favor and I couldn't be happier! I hope this change will help me feel a little more adequate as a wife, mother, and attorney. I'm not so confident that it will help my personal well-being as it's only two additional days and I'll be alone most of this time with Zoe, but we'll see. One day at a time. Here's to a new (more effective?) balancing act.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
To distract Zoe from her new discovery, we added some protection for Trevor. Look close. It didn't quite work out, but we tried. Ha!
Watching College Football (yawn!)
Celebrating Climbing Up the Stairs (Daddy thought this was a good idea...)
Friday, November 6, 2009
Zoe's Other Favorite "Toy"
Saturday, October 31, 2009
The accident was on the highway and it was a 5 car pile-up; my family was car #4 in said pile-up. Thankfully, traffic was starting to slow down, so no one was traveling as fast as they could have otherwise. Shortly after the accident, Trevor started having a bad headache and pain in the middle of his neck; my mom recently had major abdominal surgery, so she was in pain from the pressure of the seat belt around her waist and she was having neck, shoulder and back pain. Both Trevor and my mom ended up in the ER; both were released with a clean bill of health. Thank God! We took Zoe to get checked out by her pediatrician; she, too, got a clean bill of health. Again, thank God! As a safety precaution, we bought Zoe a new car seat today. We'll worry about getting the car fixed next week.
I'm so thankful my family is okay. It scares me to think of a car, or a truck in this case, ramming the back of our car where precious little Zoe was sitting, completely defenseless. But I'm so thankful that a sovereign God protected me family in their time of need. Thank you, Jesus!
Feeding the Goats
"Look, Zoe, a pumpkin!" (Zoe: "wow, look at the grass!")
"Look, Zoe, two pumpkins!" (Zoe: "wow, more grass!")
Farmer Zoe, Playing on a Tractor
Tractor Ride with Daddy (I don't know who had more fun?!) Trevpr gets daddy of the year for cramming into this TINY cab!
I Love This Picture (Zoe is so affectionate)
Thursday, October 15, 2009
On the topic of me working from home, it's amazing how much harder it is to work from home when Zoe is in the next room. When I go to my office downtown I feel guilty being away from Zoe, and I miss her like crazy, but being home is more difficult because it seems cruel to separate myself from my baby girl. Sure I take short breaks to nurse her, play with her or just snuggle with her, but some days, like today, I have to cut all of this pretty short when I have a lot of work to do. Today I just felt like Zoe must have been thinking "don't you want to play with me, Mommy?" And I DID want to play with her! I missed her so much when my day was complete. It's amazing how much you can miss your baby even when you're under the same roof. So very sad. It sure is tough being a working mommy, but I'm thankful that I have the flexibility to work from home occasionally. Although it's not the same as spending an uninterrupted day with Zoe, it sure beats the alternative.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
The Combat Crawl
All Fours? You decide....
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Look, Mommy....I'm floating!
Taking a break
Whew, what a workout!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Peas 1 - Zoe 0
Modeling her new shoes
Will the shoes pass the taste test?
Zoe attended her first wedding....she was a complete doll! Here she is with Mommy and Daddy.
Bottoms Up! (Zoe getting her sleep on)