It Was You!

Dear Zoe,

Mommy was looking at you a few days ago and it hit me that it was you Mommy was carrying in her tummy all those precious months of my pregnancy. You were the sweet baby growing inside of me. As silly as it may sound, this reality caused me to pause and reflect back on the special time we shared together when it was just you and me.

I thought back to the day I found out I was pregnant, and I now realize that the tiny embryo starting to form within me was you. From that day forward, I would lay my hands on my stomach and pray for the precious life growing inside of me. I now know that the baby I prayed for so fervently was you.

I also recalled the day I told Daddy he was going to be a father. I told him in the form of a riddle. I now know that the baby I was describing in that riddle was you.

Then I thought about the first ultrasound we had. It was you we saw on that screen. And then it was you being silly and jumping around when we had our second ultrasound. (The funny thing is you jump around the same way in our laps when we hold you)

Daddy and I quickly decided we wanted to find out if the baby growing inside of me was a boy or a girl. And so we found out we were having a precious baby girl! And guess what?! It was you we saw on that screen with her legs spread eagle during the ultrasound! LOL. We immediately settled on the name "Zoe Alexis" for our baby girl. That name was picked for you, and I must say that it's quite fitting for you, princess.

I remember anxiously awaiting the first time I would feel my baby girl move. And then one day it happened. Now I know that it was you moving inside of me that day (and many days after). While I no longer feel you moving inside of me, you move me emotionally every time I look at you or hold you.

Then there was the nursery. I wanted it to be perfect for my precious baby girl, so I obsessed over it. I spent countless hours on the internet and in stores looking for the perfect *everything* for your nursery. And I'm sure I got on Daddy's nerves, too. Now I know it was you for whom I was designing a nursery. You were worth every minute of it.

Contrary to what your Daddy might say, it was you that made me snore like a wild hog! LOL.

And on that amazing evening of February 6, 2009, thirteen hours after my water broke and after about four hours of labor that I could actually feel, my precious baby girl was born. When the nurse put my baby in my arms, and I looked at her with tears in my eyes and we met face-to-face for the first time, it was you that I introduced myself to as "Mommy".

I love you, Zoe Alexis. I'm so very happy, and eternally grateful, that it was you!

Love,
Mommy

3 months!

Dear Zoe,

You're 3 months old, sweetie! (Well, 3 months and a few weeks, but who's counting?!) You are developing so much, baby girl. While Mommy is sad to see you growing so fast, you're becoming more interactive every day, which is so much fun.

Let's start with the highlight of the month....you are FINALLY sleeping through the night! Praise the Lord!!! And you've lost your startle reflex, so you now enjoy sleeping without your swaddle. Mommy starts your bed time routine at 9:15pm, which consists of Mommy playing with you, aspirating your nose (you're starting to like it....go figure!), giving you your Vitamin D drops (pediatrician's recommendation), reading you your bedtime story and nursing you. You're usually sleep by 9:45pm, and then you wake up at 6am to nurse; I put you in the bed with me at this time, and you go back down until 10am (w/ an occasional snack or two). You've really got Mommy spoiled with all of this sleep; it's going to be tough, in more ways than one, to go back to work in August.

You now have a fake cry. It usually follows or precedes a real cry. It's your special way of scolding Daddy and me for not letting you get your way. You're also smiling like crazy. You get so excited sometimes, and I can tell you want so badly to laugh. Soon enough, sweetness. Soon enough.

You are very talkative, Zoe. You already have a lot to say. You are also very alert; Mommy and Daddy get this comment a lot when people meet you. When we're at home and playing with you in the living room, you LOVE watching TV; you are so mesmerized by it. When we notice this, we turn on cartoons or pop in one of your Baby Eins.tein videos.

We're convinced that you're eager to walk because you LOVE pushing up on your feet when we hold you. Sometimes you even "walk" up our chests. It's really cute. You've discovered your hands, and you love to suck on them! One of the funniest things you do is gag yourself. You stick two or three fingers in your mouth and go at it. When Mommy pulls your fingers out of your mouth to make you stop, you just reinsert them and start gagging yourself again. You must like how it feels. Silly girl! Oh, and you slobber and drool like crazy. Oh boy, the drool!

Zoe, the love we have for you is overwhelming. There are no bad days now that you're in our lives, and even if we start to feel a little down or overwhelmed by some silly circumstance, your toothless grin makes it all better. You are such a sweet girl. You truly are, and will always be, God's greatest gift to us!

My love always,

Mommy

Beautiful Smile

Zoe riding her mechanical bull (a/k/a the Bu.mbo)

Seeing Daddy off for one of his military flights

Hanging out with Mommy in the M.oby wrap

Zoe enjoying a brief moment of tummy time on her play mat

Help! She Hates Tummy Time!

Zoe HATES tummy time. Still. I'm at my wits end. We've tried tummy time in every way possible. Tummy time on a blanket. Tummy time on our chests (she kinda likes this). Tummy time on her Bop.py. Tummy time on an actual tummy time mat complete with toys. Tummy time on my shins (playing airplane). Tummy time on the couch. Tummy time on the bed. Tummy time every where! The result: weeping and gnashing of teeth! The issue is that Zoe really favors her left side. Thus, she sleeps with her head turned to the left, and she often looks to the left when she's being held and while sitting in her car seat, swing and bouncer. The result: she's developing a bit of a flat spot on the left side of her head. We took her to her pediatrician to have it looked at. Thankfully, it's not severe, but it can't be ignored. The solution: tummy time! ARGH!!!!

Any suggestions on getting over this hurdle?

My 1st Mother's Day

It was strange celebrating Mother's Day this year as not only a daughter, but as a mother! I'm so thankful that I'm Zoe's mommy. What an honor and a privilege.

Trevor made my day special. It started on Friday with beautiful yellow roses that were delivered to our home. The card was sweet:

"Baby, I get so excited watching you with our beautiful Zoe. This is a very special day for you, and I look forward to many more. I love you and thank God for what He has done in my life. Happy Mother's Day!"

Sunday morning, Trevor gave me two cards, one from him and one from Zoe. Both cards were really sweet, but the one from Zoe was perfect in every way:

"Oh, How I Love my Mommy!

There's no one like my mommy for bringing happy smiles...
For stopping what she's doing to rock me for awhile.

There's no one like my mommy for singing lullabies...
For hurrying to hold me when she hears my little cries.

There's no one like my mommy for taking me on walks....
And for being a good listener in our "mommy-baby talks"!

There's no one like my mommy to hug and snuggle me!
And though I'm small, my love for her is as big as it can be!

Happy Mother's Day, Mommy
With Lots of Love and Baby Kisses!"

Those words made me cry because they are all so true; if Zoe could talk, I really think she would have said all of those things. Being a mom can be challenging and tiring at times, but I love spending my days with Zoe, just focusing on her. There's nothing else I'd rather do.

After the cards, Trevor played my gift, a DVD he made of my journey thus far as Zoe's mommy. The video started in L&D and continued through the last several weeks. It was very sweet; a special labor of love on his part. He also set it to music with some of my favorite songs. Again, I cried. After church we went to brunch and then we finished the day with a trip to a nearby outlet mall. Oh, and we grabbed some gelato....yum!

I look forward to many more Mother's Days to come.

A couple of pictures of my baby love and me:

Boob Woes

Two weeks ago, while nursing Zoe, I found a lump in my right breast. I've had several clogged milk ducts since nursing, but this one was different because it wasn't painful at all. And the lump was rather pronounced. After feeding Zoe, I pumped my breast dry; the lump was still there. The next morning the lump was still present, so I called my gynecologist and got a referral for a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound. The tests revealed a cyst with a small portion of solid matter in it. I was given the option to "wait and watch it" for a couple of weeks or to have a biopsy via fine needle aspiration (FNA). I chose the latter.

Last Friday, I had the FNA done. Thankfully, the aspiration revealed 100% milk, so the diagnosis was a galactocele, or a milk cyst. I was, and still am, relieved!

Last Friday night/Saturday morning, around 4am, I woke up to intense burning and pain in the area of the biopsy site. There was also a small knot in the area. I woke Zoe up to nurse, which provided some relief. Throughout the weekend I continued to experience pain and discomfort in my right breast so I nursed Zoe and pumped on that side like crazy. Trevor and I returned to the clinic Monday morning to figure out what was going on. It seems that I've developed an infection in breast, so now I'm on antibiotics for 10 days. The doctor said that it is likely that bacteria from Zoe's mouth entered my breast through my nipple, thus causing the infection. What a pain!! (both literally and figuratively)

The things we go through to nourish our little ones. Zoe's worth it though!

8 Hours!

Saturday night, Zoe slept for 8 hours straight! YAY!!! We put her down at 9:45pm, and she didn't wake up to eat until 5:53am! After nursing her, she went right back to sleep until Daddy woke us up at 8:40am to get ready for church. I hope this is the start of good things!