Sixteen Long Days

Trevor returned home on Saturday after a sixteen day trip overseas with the Navy. It's so good to have him back home! I can't imagine what it will be like when he has to take one of these trips after Zoe is born. This trip demonstrated how hormonal I really am, because I cried like a baby the day Trevor left (Dec. 26). And I prayed and prayed and prayed for his safety like never before. Pregnancy has brought about a great deal of nerves.....and fear. Fear of losing Trevor. Fear of raising Zoe alone. I know that this type of fear isn't of God, so I have to resist it and pray against it daily. Recently I did some soul searching to understand why the fear is so deep. I realize that there are two things driving it....the first is my desire to ALWAYS have Trevor in my life. I wouldn't have married him otherwise. I love that man with every fiber of my being and I can't imagine life without him. The second is my desire for Zoe to experience what I didn't....truly having a "daddy." This isn't intended to be a knock against my father, but after my mother and he divorced when I was three, the relationship just wasn't what it should be. While I wasn't greatly impacted by this emotionally because my mom did a phenomenal job of raising me, as I've gotten older I realize just how much I truly missed out on. I'm glad Zoe won't have to experience that. She's such a lucky little girl because Trevor is going to be an amazing father!

One Year Ago Today

Dear Zoe,

Today marks one year that your Grandpa D has been in Heaven. It's unfortunate that you won't get to meet him because he was such a kind and loving man. He often asked Daddy and me when we were going to give him a grand baby. I know he would've been so excited to meet you, but I know he'll be looking down on you from Heaven with great pride. Daddy and I will be sure to tell you all about him. He would've wanted great things for you, and he would've wanted you to know that the sky is the limit for your future. Education was paramount to him. He instilled that in Daddy and his brothers, and we'll be sure to instill that in you as well.

We love you, sweetness.

Mommy