My first day back in the office went surprisingly well. Of course, I was very tearful yesterday morning (as well as the last six weeks). I cried three times before leaving the house, thus I didn't wear any mascara because I didn't know how I would hold up during the day.
Arriving to my building felt strange. When the elevator opened on the 42nd floor, I thought I was on the wrong floor due to some aesthetic changes to the floor during my six month leave. I made my way to my office---still as I left it. It was weird not having a secretary or colleagues to say good morning to. (My sec'y is on vacation this week, and my colleagues are gone---one retired, one resigned, so that leaves only me in my section in Dallas) The minute I walked in my office I had this strange sense of peace come over me, and I suddenly knew it was going to be a good day.
Trevor brought Zoe up for lunch, which was great! We went to a nearby restaurant, and I experienced my first moment of conflict between being a professional and being a mommy. You see, Zoe was very hungry (she only ate 1/2 an ounce all morning after I left), so she needed to be nursed. I'm typically not shy about nursing in public, but yesterday I was. Something felt fundamentally wrong, and dare I say embarrassing, about nursing my baby in the middle of a restaurant full of professionals. There were Blackberries and navy blue power suits everywhere. Pulling out my nursing bib, pulling off my jacket, and lifting up my shirt just felt....wrong. We ended up moving to a table tucked in the back corner of the restaurant, and I felt better. I fed Zoe, fed myself, and all was well.
The next awkward moment came when it was time to go pump. I had my pump in tow as I rode down the elevator with my family to say good-bye. (They came back up with me when we returned from lunch so I could attempt to nurse Zoe one more time in my office) When the elevator door opened on the lobby floor, a partner that has been chomping at the bit for me to return was standing there. I introduced him to my family (he feigned interest), and I awkwardly kissed Trevor and Zoe good-bye. (Are you supposed to kiss your family good-bye in front of a partner? Who knows, but I did!) So I rode the elevator back up with the partner, with my pump on my shoulder, as he asked if I had time to meet. I didn't want to say "um, I have to go pump." But I DID need to go pump. My right boob was about to explode! LOL. So I just said I had to make a stop and would have to talk to him later. (Are you supposed to blow off a partner to go pump? Who knows?!) I went to pump, stored away my milk, packed up my bag, and headed back to my office.
The entire day was quiet. I didn't receive a single work related phone call or e-mail. I guess my section is slow??? Having a quiet day helped with the transition, but I know everyday won't be (and can't be) that way.
I left my office at 4:45 and was pulling out of the garage by 4:50. (This will be my daily goal due to my long commute. I will just work after Zoe goes to bed to finish up my work.) I made a quick stop at the grocery store and Babies R Us and was home a little after 6pm. When I walked in the house Zoe was crying, right on cue, so I rushed in and nursed her. I was finally exclusively a mommy again, and I could nurse my baby girl freely and openly. I held Zoe all night, played with her, and just soaked her up. She didn't sleep well, so she ended up in bed with us. I especially enjoyed cuddling with her as she slept like an angel.
Day one complete....
On Giving Thanks in the Thick of It
8 years ago
2 comments:
It must be really hard leaving a baby at home for the first time. I am not a mother, but my best friend is on maternity leave and she is positively dreading the return to work. It sounds like you are going to get a good working routine going- good luck
I'm so sorry it took me so long to get caught up on you. I actualy stopped by your blog a couple of days ago and read "Day 3" at work, but I didn't want to comment until I had the time to go back and read this one too.
You are doing great! I'm sure the first day back at work held a lot of unsure nerves for you. I'm glad that it was a good day though with not a whole lot of stress or busy-ness.
I don't know what it is like in a lawfirm environment as far as being a mom goes, but one would think that everyone else knows you just had a baby a little while ago..and so you have other things to take care of as well now. But still...yeah that would be a bit awkward.
I'm sure you willl get into a routine soon enough and get it figured out.
Ahhhh I was sooooo going to type more but Will is bugging me to come out so we can start the movie we rented. I PROMISE to come back and comment more later....
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