The past two nights have been pretty sad for me. Zoe is now sleeping in her crib. I knew this time would come, and I know it's best for her to be in her own room (plus she can really stretch out!), but it doesn't make it any easier. I can't help but feel like she's getting farther and farther away from me. The first separation experience for me was after I gave birth to Zoe. Boy did I miss being pregnant; I still do sometimes. While I know a lot of women don't enjoy pregnancy, I loved it! Sure I had aches and pains, but I really did have a great pregnancy. After having Zoe, I loved holding her, but I missed feeling her inside of me.
Now I'm dealing with my second separation experience. Moving Zoe into her own room felt like I was betraying her or rejecting her in some way. And, oddly enough, I'm afraid that she feels that way, too. I don't know how to make sure she doesn't feel that way because I never want her to feel any form of rejection from me. I want her to always know with every fiber of her being that her mommy loves her deeply. Zoe's first night went smoothly in terms of getting her down, but tonight was rough. She cried so much. I was heartbroken and wondered what she was thinking or feeling about me. I feel like I need to make this up to her.
Having Zoe in her bassinet on my side of the bed made me feel like I was protecting her in some way. After all, isn't that my job as her mom? To protect my precious daughter. I hope this feeling of letting her down soon passes.
I haven't made it through an entire second night of Zoe being in her crib yet, but I can say that the first night consisted of a lot of checking on Zoe, lots of baby monitor adjustments, tons of lighting adjustments, etc. Zoe was completely unaware, and she was probably just fine. We'll see how night #2 goes for me. I just know that I desperately miss having her close to me on my side of the bed.
On Giving Thanks in the Thick of It
8 years ago
3 comments:
I just wanted to let you know that you are TOTALLY normal! :)
I did all those things too. It was VERY hard for me when Preston moved from our bedroom into his crib in his room. I definitely felt the seperation anxiety. And I definitely didn't sleep very well those first few nights- because I was always checking on him and worrying and looking at the baby monitor.
One thing I would suggest that I wish we would have done differently - is I wish we would ahve bought VIDEO baby monitors. At the time when we bought our monitors, we saw them but thought "Nahhhh we would never need those". Plus they were about twice the price.
But BOTH of us have commented now on how we wish we would have spent the extra money and bought those. Just because with him in the other room, you are constnatly getting up and out of bed to check on him. I know for a while he would get his blanket up and over his head and didn't know how to remove it off of his face. I would go in there and find him freaking out because his face was covered with the blanket and I felt SOOOOO bad I actually cried a few times.
Also, he would wake up sometimes with us going in there and we could have avoided that too if we had a video monitor to just peek in on him.
Even now, as we still struggle with getting him to sleep through the night, a video monitor would come inhandy because a lot of times when we think he's just in there crying, we'll go in and find he is either sitting up or standing in his crib. No wonder he wasn't going back to sleep!
Anyway, don't sorry you are normal. But once you do get more used to her being in there, you will like it. You'll find that you can actually stay up and talk to your spouse and have one-on-one time with him again without feeling like your'e going to wake up the baby. Or you might feel like you can sleep better and longer too.
We still bring Preston into our room on occasion, like a month or so ago he had a cold and couldn't sleep flat on his back without not being able to breathe very well. I was worried about him so we set the swing up and let him sleep in our room in the swing.Its amazing how more at ease I instantly felt. I went right to sleep. :)
I can say that it gets better. I know it's hard to believe, but this too shall pass. I don't blame you for feeling separated from your little zoey. She's is such an angel, but it's best for her if she gets used to a sleep pattern that isn't right near your bed.
I trained Kailey this way early on and I have not regretted one moment of it past getting used to it.
It also helped me get over the feeling of thinking she was going to wake up, so I couldn't sleep or hearing every little peep she made.
Baby steps they say, but it will get easier.
It saddened me to learn that you were sad. I realize this is hard for you. But it is clinically the best thing a mother can do for her child. I know you miss her next to you but always remember -- she is still there. Zoe may even thank your later that you sacrificed to play by the books and be obedient.
Of course, the good Lord is glad because it shows Him that you don't put anyone or anything before Him by sacrificing and separating from Zoe during bedtime.
I also agree with Jenni.. Now you and Trevor can share some special moments and begin to make Zoe a little brother or sister :-)
Post a Comment