Leaving the Nest

The past two nights have been pretty sad for me. Zoe is now sleeping in her crib. I knew this time would come, and I know it's best for her to be in her own room (plus she can really stretch out!), but it doesn't make it any easier. I can't help but feel like she's getting farther and farther away from me. The first separation experience for me was after I gave birth to Zoe. Boy did I miss being pregnant; I still do sometimes. While I know a lot of women don't enjoy pregnancy, I loved it! Sure I had aches and pains, but I really did have a great pregnancy. After having Zoe, I loved holding her, but I missed feeling her inside of me.

Now I'm dealing with my second separation experience. Moving Zoe into her own room felt like I was betraying her or rejecting her in some way. And, oddly enough, I'm afraid that she feels that way, too. I don't know how to make sure she doesn't feel that way because I never want her to feel any form of rejection from me. I want her to always know with every fiber of her being that her mommy loves her deeply. Zoe's first night went smoothly in terms of getting her down, but tonight was rough. She cried so much. I was heartbroken and wondered what she was thinking or feeling about me. I feel like I need to make this up to her.

Having Zoe in her bassinet on my side of the bed made me feel like I was protecting her in some way. After all, isn't that my job as her mom? To protect my precious daughter. I hope this feeling of letting her down soon passes.

I haven't made it through an entire second night of Zoe being in her crib yet, but I can say that the first night consisted of a lot of checking on Zoe, lots of baby monitor adjustments, tons of lighting adjustments, etc. Zoe was completely unaware, and she was probably just fine. We'll see how night #2 goes for me. I just know that I desperately miss having her close to me on my side of the bed.